Its Term Break!

finally after weeks and weeks of teaching, the teachers are getting some kind of holiday... yes, we do not need to teach... but every one of us is busy from making materials, typing lesson plans and writing reports... even though i am happily updating my blog, i have reports for the whole term to write... kinda not in the mood! =p

actually planned to go batam with him... i am looking forward to the food there... hahaha such a glutton... but my good auntie came just yesterday and my cramps were terrible... this morning i had to drag myself to work... felt so drained of energy... :s instead, i requested to stay in singapore... even brought my japanese hw to do while he does his freelance...

today's a fri night... though we were tired, we met up for dinner at harbourfront centre... yes, look at the number of people at vivo... i wanna escape to somewhere with lesser people... got this sudden craving for mee sua... so we went to shihlin... den proceeded to vivo and got caught into best denki... looking at all the electronics... as usual, he was so interested in the tv and laptops... this time round, he took fancy of refrigerators too... nowadays the refrigerators can be rather huge... with so many compartments it can be very messy... :s washing machine, dryer, cd player, toaster, rice cooker... i can list a whole lot of things i wanna get for my new flat... plus the furnitures and renovation... i wonder how much in the end will we be spending? :s *sounds scary* my leg cramped badly after walking for so long... so we went to coffee bean to spend my remaining 10 dollars... hahaha drank the usual drink... took a long bus ride home... that is the result of not wanting to stand through out the train ride... =p

he said to me that he is really happy to be able to spend fri night with me like this and not worrying about me having to work the next day... issit bcuz it comes once every three months? that's why it feels so precious? quote from chloe's daddy, de bu dao de yong yuan zui hao... heehee~

一リットルの涙

Minhui lent it to me two weeks ago and i just finished watching everything this week... it was a very touching drama extracted from a real life story... :) i think i might just accidentally cried one litre as well... if you count the moments when i cried recalling the story... This girl, Aya suffered from a strange brain disease whereby the cells controlling muscles gradually disappeared with no reason... she died after 10 years fighting the disease... and her diary was published with the same title as in "one litre of tears"... unfortunately this book is only available in Japanese... :( (it will slow down my reading speed dramatically!)

After watching the drama, i suddenly felt how lucky i am... though i fall down occasionally (not as often as Aya), i am able to walk by myself... i am able to write and type properly... i can eat my meals well without having to choke and risk dying from that... i can speak clearly with everyone understanding me... being healthy actually allows me to do so many things that one cannot do when one is sick... i guess this is something we ought to remind ourselves of from time to time...

how strange people are... we never realise how lucky we are till we see that some other people are no better den us... and after being satisfied and contented for a while, we start to forget that we are lucky and we start to compare ourselves with people whom we considered as even luckier... why do we do that? doesn't that make us more miserable? we must learn to see things in the positive light and stop being so greedy... contentment brings happiness... desires are bottomless pits... if we never learn that our desires is never ending, we will not be happy... think simple and you will be happier... :)

Enid Blyton and the cloth II

James 1:19 Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

That's the verse i am talking about... so during that time, i always put in conscious effort to remind myself of this... i should try to listen to people more often and be slow to speak and become angry... i am still trying very hard to do so... i guess man are always imperfect and that's why we seek to be more perfect by changing ourselves to be more God-like... =)

i guess for me, the most difficult part of improving myself would be managing emotions... i wonder issit the same for everyone... as most of the people around me know that i cry very easily, i get upset very easily... i also get excited very easily... i feel happy very easily... maybe in the eyes of others, i am over-reacting... but that is how i am... that is my character... watching dramas like "one litre of tears", i cried non-stop for hours... cuz i really imagined the actress in such a situation... as though i can feel watever she is feeling... even when i talk abt the story, i start to cry... it is making me depressed these days too... :( on the other hand, when i see my children being able to learn something new or shown improvement, i would also feel very happy... its the kind of wonderful emotion that keeps me happy throughout the working days... =) a fren has ever mentioned to me, emotion is like sitting on roller coaster... after you get down, you will definitely go up... that's true!

Enid Blyton and the cloth

I was on the train journey from tanjong pagar back to tampines when a thought suddenly came to me... it was a very simple story from one of the Enid Blyton's books... a short story about this magician who was spotted by a boy in the middle of the night... the magician was holding one bale of cloth and the boy questioned about the cloth... it was the cloth that represents our life... the shiny spots represented the times when we did kind deeds and grey spots represented the times when we were bad and greedy... the holes represented the hurts that we inflicted on others and others had inflicted on us... i always wondered if i have a cloth like this, how would mine look like?

there were times that i was happy to look back on the wonderful and memorable times i spent with my family and friends... i was glad that i chose to do certain things over the others... the days i wish that the people that i cared were happy and they did... there were times that i felt miserable to think about how mean and unreasonable i was when i got angry and how unsatisfied i was getting on with my life... i felt that greediness, laziness and other negative feelings piled up inside my heart and it just made my days seem darker than usual... no matter how many times i told myself not to regret, i still did it... so, i seriously broke down when i watched "one litre of tears" especially the part when Aya said, i will stop to regret about this sickness which i have gotten... i will choose to look forward and live on... (something along this line) i will strive hard to make my life shinier than the past, even though i know i cannot stop the holes and grey areas...

that day i happened to meet up with daniel for supper near my place... and he was telling me his impression of me last time in pri/sec sch... i feel that i have changed for the better and he agreed too... my old friends can tell u how bad i was as a person... i nvr care for other ppl... i was always very self centered and thinking about myself... i talk practically using my mouth and not my brain... (i am really better now i feel) i hurt the people who were around me... i just felt very lousy when i recalled about the past... i felt that, at that time, i was probably living because i am living... but after Weitian brought me to her church, i started to think a lot about my life... i still rem the first time when i opened the Bible, it was at James 1 (if i nvr rem wrongly)... it was about managing your anger and i cried so hard... this was so true of me at that time... (to be continued)

About Make-Up~

i am not the kind of person (unlike my sis) to put on make-up everyday or whenever i go out... always feel that make-up makes a person looks pale when she is without make-up... last time in choir, i always anyhow do the make-up... as long as it is not very obvious and quite presentable will do... i am hopeless!!!

today after lunch, i went watson with susie, huiyi and esther... cuz huiyi wanna get some comestics... and our dear susie who is always so excited about dolling up, experimented on huiyi's face... hahaha =p it was quite funny... and i even took a picture of that! wondering wat will huiyi wear tmr? she's gonna surprise us... haha and susie too... heehee

sometimes i do wonder, how would my face change if i were to put on make up? haha thats because i have seen a few girls looking totally different with and without make up... well, maybe next time i would really have the chance to do that when i change to a new working environment...

talking about which, i think some of my friends still thinking that i might just end up continuing working in the same place... since the management is supposedly gonna make changes to our salary... i wonder what would be the ending? but i really hope for a break... i just feel too tired to carry on...

New Home + New Worries

a few weeks ago, i received a letter from hdb saying that we are shortlisted for the flat in tiong bahru... =) i am very happy for a while before i start worrying again... next week, we are going to select the flat and pay the option fee... i think within three months, we would have to sign the lease and also by that time, get ready the housing loan letter and stuffs... everything seems to be going quite fast... when the flat is ready, den have to worry about renovating the flat... though we haven gotten the flat, everytime we go to courts or ikea, we would be discussing about wat furniture we want and how we wan the house to be like... hahaha it's a totally new experience for me... cuz i have not moved before... the only time was moving from kampong to hdb when i was two years old... obviously i cant rem anything about that... so my house has made some changes from time to time but overall it is the same... i wonder if it would turn out to be wat i wan... haiz, i still think the new hdb flats are very small compared to my house... :s

financially it is very worrying... now i am still repaying my education loan... and my house is coming soon... and i am thinking of putting braces as well... and i wanna go miyazaki, japan in october to visit suyu... haha i think i am too greedy... bcuz i wanna do so many things, i dun think i would be able to save up like my sis does and pay upfront liddat! but i am really that kind of person... i cant just save up and force myself to be miserable... i rather pay slowly and life is still within my control... i can still go occassional shopping and go out with frens... =p well well, let nature takes its course...

also after much consideration, i decided to quit my present job to go for another job... why?? i really love this job... the colleagues and children... haha but sometimes i really feel sick and tired of this job... i guess everyone would have this kind of feeling from time to time... and the pay isnt good enough... i am not asking to earn alot... but i wanna repay the loan and start paying for my house... with a mere amount like tt, i dun think i can make it... somemore i dun think i am high maintenance... so with a higher pay, i would be able to do more things... for this to happen, i gave up my chance to take a basic course offered by the company... by sept, i would have to say goodbye to everyone and i gotta make sure i really do that k? if not, i would be laughed at again... :(

another thing is about feeling comfortable and at home... though from time to time, i stayed over at his place, i still feel at home when i am really at my own house... with my parents and my siblings... talking rubbish and watching tv together... its more fun and more relaxed... over at his place, its very much of us interacting only... with his bros interacting with the computer... -_-" the whole feeling is just weird... not getting used to it... so just imagine how lonely i would be if he were to go out and leave me alone at home... omg... >.<" *kangae takunai*

with the new house, a lot of adjustments would have to be made i guess... in terms of financially, psychologically etc... his mum is actually suggesting meeting my parents... i feel like "huh? need meh? feels like those olden days type of parents-meetup..." think i have to ask my mum about tt... haha tts all for now... gotta rush to work now... my body is aching from the swim yesterday... :s